It Is What It Is

Some would say I lead a charmed life. I have a wonderful husband, who works hard and makes enough money to keep us comfortable, and so that I don’t have to work outside the house. I work at home, generally at my leisure, and spend the remainder either reading, baking, or catching up on some tv.

I’m not one for hiding behind facades. I’d rather tell someone what’s going on so they can understand it, rather than pretend I have a perfect life. Because it’s not. I have anxiety. General and social. Sometimes one is worse than the other and it makes it very hard for me to do the things that I’d like to do. Even something as simple as going to the theater, is an issue for me.

I remember when I was a kid, when we had big family get-togethers at my grandma and grandpa’s house, (and we had a big family!), I would always go hide somewhere to get away from everyone. It’s a coping mechanism that I still use today. Back then I didn’t know that it was social anxiety causing it. Up until a year or so ago I had no idea what anxiety even was really.

It wasn’t until I started reading The Bloggess that I finally realised what was going on. I was like “Hey! I have that! I don’t feel so weird. Maybe I’m not just anti-social!” It was a revelation that I was finally able to put a word to what I was feeling.

About a year or so ago it started to escalate and get steadily worse. I didn’t want to leave my house, be around family or friends, or do anything at all really, other than stay home and read or cook. I’m basically a shut in. It’s always been manageable as long as I don’t do anything out of my comfort zone, and I try very hard to stay within those confines.

Lately, not so much. This month, we had plans to go to a concert, one that I had been looking forward to for months, and when it came down to it, I just couldn’t do it. It was crippling. I had never experienced an anxiety attack like that before, where I made myself physically sick, and was barely able to walk from the car to a building. I knew it was completely irrational, not to mention embarrassing, but I was helpless to avoid it. Something that was supposed to be so fun was completely terrifying to me for no real reason.

I’ve decided to go see my doctor about it, because clearly, the way I’d been dealing with it before is just not working anymore. I’m hoping he’s not going to be one of those doctors that says “If you think positive thoughts, it will all go away.” Ha!

Until then I intend to try to avoid things that will cause any anxiety. Thankfully, there’s a new tv season coming up, which means lots of new shows to record and catch up on! That should keep me busy.



Twilight Tuesday

A few weeks ago, I was reading The Bloggess’ sex column, which is “satirical and vaguely safe for work if your boss isn’t a douche-canoe“, when I came across this and #4 screamed at me. I quickly posted it to Twi-Whore’s Facebook wall and went on my merry way.

A couple of days later I received a text from Twi-Whore telling me that her dad (my Uncle-In-Law), while looking at her Facebook, clicked on the link and began searching the site it’s on. Our texting went like this:

TW: So I guess that dad was looking at fb. Saw about what you sent me. Then it went on a link to sex toy stuff. He was asking me all about it and if you liked it. All kinds of stuff like that. I’m like you really want to know?!?!?!

Me: Lmao! So funny! I can’t believe he asked you that! You tell him it’s a blog I follow and she posts there too.

TW: OMR!!! The things he was asking me. He’s so weird!! But makes me laugh.

Me: Why the hell would he want to know that stuff? Crazy!

TW: I guess he’s just curious. Not sure if he really wants to know or just bugging me. Said he knows what he would get you for Christmas if he ever had to buy for you.

Me: Omg, tell him it better be the rechargeable ones then! Lmao!!

TW: He was going to buy the huge pack from Costco. But rechargeable would be better!!

Me: Lmao!!

TW: He’s getting quite a kick out of it.

Me: I bet he is. (edit for personal reasons)

TW: Not sure if I want to say that. It made me smile though and he’s wondering why I’m sure!! lol

Me: Lmao!! Tell him there’s guy stuff too.

TW: He was even asking about ass stuff. Then wondering who would want that ?!?! As he shakes his head. Said that’s prob why you always have a giggle to you.

Me: Omg! Your dad’s gross!

TW: Sometimes ya. It’s making me laugh though.

Me: I bet! Me too.

So, in other words, if you don’t want your Uncle-In-Law, to know about your sex life, or sexual deviances, it’s probably best to leave those types of posts to private messages. Lesson learned.