It Is What It Is

Some would say I lead a charmed life. I have a wonderful husband, who works hard and makes enough money to keep us comfortable, and so that I don’t have to work outside the house. I work at home, generally at my leisure, and spend the remainder either reading, baking, or catching up on some tv.

I’m not one for hiding behind facades. I’d rather tell someone what’s going on so they can understand it, rather than pretend I have a perfect life. Because it’s not. I have anxiety. General and social. Sometimes one is worse than the other and it makes it very hard for me to do the things that I’d like to do. Even something as simple as going to the theater, is an issue for me.

I remember when I was a kid, when we had big family get-togethers at my grandma and grandpa’s house, (and we had a big family!), I would always go hide somewhere to get away from everyone. It’s a coping mechanism that I still use today. Back then I didn’t know that it was social anxiety causing it. Up until a year or so ago I had no idea what anxiety even was really.

It wasn’t until I started reading The Bloggess that I finally realised what was going on. I was like “Hey! I have that! I don’t feel so weird. Maybe I’m not just anti-social!” It was a revelation that I was finally able to put a word to what I was feeling.

About a year or so ago it started to escalate and get steadily worse. I didn’t want to leave my house, be around family or friends, or do anything at all really, other than stay home and read or cook. I’m basically a shut in. It’s always been manageable as long as I don’t do anything out of my comfort zone, and I try very hard to stay within those confines.

Lately, not so much. This month, we had plans to go to a concert, one that I had been looking forward to for months, and when it came down to it, I just couldn’t do it. It was crippling. I had never experienced an anxiety attack like that before, where I made myself physically sick, and was barely able to walk from the car to a building. I knew it was completely irrational, not to mention embarrassing, but I was helpless to avoid it. Something that was supposed to be so fun was completely terrifying to me for no real reason.

I’ve decided to go see my doctor about it, because clearly, the way I’d been dealing with it before is just not working anymore. I’m hoping he’s not going to be one of those doctors that says “If you think positive thoughts, it will all go away.” Ha!

Until then I intend to try to avoid things that will cause any anxiety. Thankfully, there’s a new tv season coming up, which means lots of new shows to record and catch up on! That should keep me busy.



Twilight Tuesday

I’m so ridiculously excited! Yesterday I received my copy of Fifty Shades of Grey in the mail! I felt like a little kid when I opened the box. Thoughts of sleeping with new, beloved toys went through my head and I couldn’t stop the silly grin that spread across my face.

I did not, however, sleep with the book, seeing as it would most likely ruin it in one way or another. Though the thought of sleeping with Fifty is quite appealing.

But I digress. The feeling of being able to hold it in my hands, and turn pages on real paper is so much more enjoyable than reading on a computer screen. The changes so far are slight, and mostly character’s names and descriptions, things that needed to be changed. 

I can not wait to delve further into the story, and see what other changes have been made to make it, dare I say, even better than the original. I know what I’ll be doing this week!

Twilight Tuesday

I’m in another fic slump. It sucks. I haven’t started anything new in quite a while and it seems that everything is ending again. The good part about being in a slump is that I’m reading real books again.

Back when I was in Kelowna, I had picked up the Anne Rice vampire series for a couple of dollars. I’ve been putting off reading them for a while now, and finally picked up Interview With the Vampire, a little over a month ago.

I forgot how much I enjoyed the movie, and being about 2/3 of the way done, I’m finding that it’s quite similar to what I remember. It’s a harder read than the books I normally have but enjoyable nonetheless.

In the meantime, I’ve put it down here and there to pick up others that come my way, be it from a friend or the library.

Over all though, I’ve enjoyed the feel of paper in my fingers as I turn the page, and see where the story will take me.

Book Review

Annie Markham is trapped in a fairy tale existence complete with a narcissistic family and a godmother, but her prince turns out to be a toad. At 19, Jake Mead was her true love until her godmother Susannah stepped in and Jake ran away. Now, seven years later, Annie’s wealthy family is heading toward bankruptcy, and Susannah brings in the best consultant in England to rescue their London public relations agency. The wunderkind turns out to be Jake, who is out for revenge. Annie spends her time working, something unheard of in her family, and doing good deeds while trying to avoid Jake. Both Annie and Jake are actively seeking relationships, but their thoughts keep turning back to each other. Fun and interesting multidimensional characters populate this very charming story that proves that a prince cum toad can eventually turn back into a prince and rescue the princess from her relatives.

I finally finished reading Persuading Annie by Melissa Nathan. I’ve had it sitting on my shelf for around two years if not more. The first Melissa Nathan book I read, The Nanny, I loved and decided to pick up the rest of her books.

Like the others of hers I’ve read, (The Nanny, The Waitress, and The Learning Curve) Persuding Annie did not disappoint. It was a light, funny, and fluffy book, perfect for a summer read.

The alternating points of view kept it interesting, and I found it highly amusing that the main love interests were named Jake and Edward. There was even a Bella in the end.

If you’ve read any of her other books, or are just looking for a bit of fluff, I’d highly recommend Persuading Annie.

Things I Love Thursday

  • The first sleep in my own bed after a week away
  • Having a later sleep pattern and sleeping in
  • Reading fluff. It’s been a while since I read a truly fluffy book
  • Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. I never used to like them and now I can’t get enough
  • How my husband makes me smile by just being himself
  • Coming home to a clean house
  • That it’s less than two weeks till Eclipse!! Squee!